I'll Be Waiting Wishing Wanting - Yours For The Taking

so christmas came and went and the only present i got was the 50$ borders card i got from desmond. i bought randy pausch's the last lecture, along with one of the usual stuff that i read. havent gotten down to reading the last lecture though, gotta do it soon since im enlisting exactly next week.

how time has flown by me, and i barely noticed it. it seemed ages ago that i was sad, depressed about so many things. basketball, teammates, relationships and whatnot. and its weird feeling more or less the same as last year, the confusion, insecurity ecetera ecetera, but i guess in some ways i feel old now.

so the lessons i've learnt this year are plentiful, but i guess the most important one, the one i only learnt 3 weeks before the A's is that i cant please everybody. i only realised then that all my life i've been living for others, just so that i can keep everyone happy, so that they would like me. and i didnt realise that it was detrimental to my self-esteem till the nice lady in the counselling room told me so. and i realised that out of 9 irrational beliefs, i had 7. which made me realise that my life has been a farce so far. because its not even mine.

so i guess my 2009 resolution would be to do things that make ME happy. because i do not want to live life just so that i can please others. i do not want to be a mindless service machine, especially when most of the time people just do not appreciate what you do.

its gonna be hard to fulfill this resolution, especially with NS around the corner. oh well.

i dont know how to phrase number 1 in my previous entry. i guess maybe i never will. i seriously have no idea what to do about it.

My Heart Belongs To You My Angel

been in a pensive mood ever since my parents dropped a bomb on me telling me that this year's christmas was to be spent alone at home.

so this is in line with the contemplative mood i've been in for the week so far.

5 things you wished you would do but are too lazy to
5. learn a cool foreign language
4. learn computer stuff like html
3. learn the guitar
2. enjoy running/jogging
1. work out

5 things you wished you weren't ignorant about/in
5. travel destinations
4. films
3. art
2. indie stuff
1. great literature

10 things you would like to say to anyone in your life/things you regret saying
10. nah i'll never get depression
9. i'm sorry i broke your heart then
8. i dont love you anymore (but i dont now, really)
7. i'm really terrified of the future because its me against the big bad world
6. you two are the bestest best friends one could ever have
5. you're the best teacher-now-friend i've ever known and i really appreciate all that you've done for me. i just hope i dont let you down come march
4. let's not lie to each other anymore. if you admit it then i would too.
3. i'm sorry i led you on
2. i'm sorry i slapped you

number 1 is missing because.

We Are Half Alone; Our Hearts Are Leaving Home

been feeling absolutely lethargic since saturday morning. not being in the mood to do anything totally sucks. and its not like im not sleeping enough. i mean 7-8 hours of sleep is enough isnt it? its not like i need to rest to recover from exercise or anything.

im putting on weight i think. OMG. what a time. and enlistment is like 3 weeks more only god save me.
i really got to start a fitness regime in time for ns.

im finally done with fast times at barrington high. whole album is themed towards school memories and graduation and they did the lyrics quite well i think. though the academy is.. isnt the usual genre i'd listen to. blame mtv and radio in the days of mugging for the big A's.

i guess the album made me miss school more than i ever did. (vs, not sajc.) all those crazy times with 4d people in class and outside of it; of the many taupoks, wedgies and throwing people into the school pond; all the sauntering around school because we had the best results; all the school rules we broke in the freak accidents; locking tajuddin in supply duct; running down 7 stories for rojak every thursday; the intense matches in the pe soccer league; chemistry bio and physics lab funtimes; bridge and dai dee during lessons... then more recently the emo talks whenever we met up. i really miss the brotherly feeling, especially now that im facing the world on my own. i miss the feeling that someone has got your back no matter who you were or what qualities you had, chinese malay indian geek clown cool fun boring wimp daring leader follower outspoken shy.. and the list goes on. Victoria's sons would always find solace in one another, because we understand.

i'd ask my fairy godparents for another day with 4d, and i would pray like hell so that the clock never strikes 12.
i'd invent a time machine that would send me back 2 years in time, and freeze time so we all stay forever young.

Watching, Waiting, Commiserating

Alone (not exactly true, since my brother is at home too) at home for 5 days so far. bored stiff at home so im grabbing at every opportunity to go out, even if its to take a train to dhoby gaut, pass a friend a present, and go back home. oh, reminds me, i hope your present isnt smashed or anything carin =/

Anyway life has been made even more boring since an unexpected and tragic event that occured last week. (not to me, in case anyone is wondering) And im sleeping in the afternoons and evenings more than ever since the disastrous intervention. hopefully this would just be a temporary state since i dont have much time left in the free world. i dont even want to count down the days because it'll make me feel even worse.

on another note, i need more songs to listen to aagh. currently on the academy is, the red jumpsuit apparatus, stars. i realised i only listen to soft stuff by female artists and not male ones. there's something about soft songs that to me cannot be sung by a guy. call me sexist but i dont care, i just feel that a soft song sung by a guy cannot compare to one sung by a girl. case in point: now its done by straylight run and calendar girl done by stars would be completely horrible if a male sung it.
i think im rambling.

i realise people that my blog is mundane and less introspective than ever, but please bear with me. there's so precious little to reflect about these days. these days, im looking forward :D

We Believe In This Love (part 2)

done packing my shelves and they look clean and uncluttered. :D

legs are aching from yesterday's basketball.

life's uneventful. parents went off to taiwan on friday and im skipping meals like crazy. if i dont combine meals (brunch and dinner+supper) i'd barely be eating at all. lazy to get out of the house for my meals lol.

lack of food + lack of sleep = weight loss.

i hope =/

We Believe In This Love

packing my room now and its a horror.

notes, notes, tutorials, solutions, exam papers, notes and more notes.

i feel like torching everything.

omg.

Beautiful, You Know You Leave Me Breathless When You Fall Into My Eyes

sorry that today sucked.
wish i could've made it better for you.

class bbq was a bomb out yesterday. shan't say no more.

mundanity pervades into everyday life.

the torrential rain isn't helping much either.

pensive as i gaze out of the tear-streaked window.

And Said Whoever Is Up There, Please Don't Let Me Die

just finished a lot like love. yeah, 3 years late.
so its 2.45am and im sitting here alone, thinking.

just thinking.

Those Notes You Wrote Me I've Kept Them All

okay i'm bored out of my wits. 2 weeks into the holidays and i cant stand the sight of my computer anymore.

1st dec was Absolutsa, or sajc prom night, at the fullerton hotel. didnt get to see much scenery, stupidly cabbed down from city hall mrt because i thought i didnt know how to walk there, and blew 11$ on cab fare - the first of many.
so i went down to the ballroom area where i met up with friends, took photos and blah. dinner was horrible, walked around, took photos, drank lots and lots of coke and orange fizzy.
after prom went to the arena at clark quay for post-prom. bouncer almost didnt let me in, guess i should've brought my ic out lah, but still got in in the end.
drank 4 shots of chivas, then mixed about 4 more glasses, had a pineapple rum combo thingy. got high, danced, blah blah blah.

as you can tell im really bored outta my wits now. probably watched like 10 movies already, not to mention tons of south park episodes.

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
which incidentally im going to tmr.
and i need to start running gahh.

7th jan omg omg.