How Did We Get Here When I Used To Know You So Well

suddenly i'm just dying for ns to be over. i want to start a new life dammit.

so the first week in sispec was fun, not to mention eye-opening. major test tomorrow, hope i dont phail lol. been doing quite well for tests so far hopefully it continues lol.

havent slept for 24+ hours and counting. brain's a bit dead now.

booking in later gahhh.

Why Can't We Make This Darkness Feel Like Home

mambo night was awesome. no happenings this time around, just mambo.
my friends probably agree that i got drunk last night.
how am i supposed to go back to camp on monday after having so much fun i wonder.

so now i'm at home rushing through all my scholarship essays and applications, not that there were many to begin with. i think i have a really pitiful portfolio. i mean come on when you list your most exceptional academic achievement to date as your A level results, you know you're in trouble. how i wish i spent more time indulging in other activites instead of wallowing in self-pity in junior college. oh well what's done is done i guess now i can only hope for the best.

why am i so dependent on others i wonder. for comfort, for enjoyment, for almost every goddamn thing in the world. i wonder whether my friends are getting tired of me.

No One Would Ever Stop This Self-made Decline

that's it. i'm done caring so damn much about our friendships.

Feelings Are Intense, Words Are Trivial. Pleasures Remain, So Does The Pain.

my system crashed today. more about that later.

so my bmt experience is over. 2 months of training and now its come to this. block leave and waiting for posting to command school. in less than 2 weeks im going in for another 6 to 9 months of training. and i guess after the words from my PC, nothing should stop me from doing the best i can no matter where i go.

i guess i really cant please everyone, and in line with the resolution i set for this year, i guess i'm gonna stay away from people whom i would have personality clashes with from now on. its so frustrating to even try and make things better because the other party does not want you to even try. they just want to hate you forever.

A level results were great, but i havent been able to meet up with my close friends since 2 weeks ago, and im really sad. sad that we're all drifting away. im trying my best to keep things together guys, so would you just help me? its bad enough that one of us is so disillusioned - you dont want me to be too. then things would really fall apart. i am not kidding. where has all the camaraderie gone? the loyalty? that closeness? why can't we ever make the time for each other, our so-called best friends, but we can somehow find time for girlfriends, other friends, personal activities and whatnot. do we even care for each other as best friends any more? are we just meeting up for the convenience of playing basketball? it might seem hypocritical coming from me, but at least i still came back after a year's hiatus. and i dont wanna wait for a year for you guys to get back cause im a selfish person.

went to zouk last night to celebrate end of bmt with some platoon mates. ended up joining another group of friends and i got really high i guess. and i guess im lonelier than i would ever admit to anyone. oh and zouk's the reason why my system crashed. in case you wondered.

its just hard okay. i feel as if half of me is gone and i still havent filled it yet. not after almost 2 years.