Why Can't We Make This Darkness Feel Like Home

mambo night was awesome. no happenings this time around, just mambo.
my friends probably agree that i got drunk last night.
how am i supposed to go back to camp on monday after having so much fun i wonder.

so now i'm at home rushing through all my scholarship essays and applications, not that there were many to begin with. i think i have a really pitiful portfolio. i mean come on when you list your most exceptional academic achievement to date as your A level results, you know you're in trouble. how i wish i spent more time indulging in other activites instead of wallowing in self-pity in junior college. oh well what's done is done i guess now i can only hope for the best.

why am i so dependent on others i wonder. for comfort, for enjoyment, for almost every goddamn thing in the world. i wonder whether my friends are getting tired of me.