Now It's Done

Moving in so like the smoke from your cigarette.
Every step closer's a step
that we both will regret.
Keeping a tally, but who can keep track.
Your over-reacting is taking me back to a time better left alone.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.

Keep a tight grip like a child
holding onto a swingset.
Waiting and hoping to find
what I can't figure out yet.
Please don't unless this is something you mean.
Another nightmare instead of a dream better left alone.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.
I never lost so much.
I never lost so much.
I never lost so much.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.


-Straylight Run

Existentialism On Prom Night

you know you are really fucked up when you cry on christmas eve.
how can you not know?
sadness came crashing down on the walls on my sanity and yet i have to show a happy face and all, cause my aunts and cousins are there at the table, eating with us in a nice hotel restaurant on christmas eve in malaysia, and i dont want them to worry, do i?
i dont want to spell it out to you for fear of losing you.
imagine telling jokes when you are crying.
imagine making people laugh when you are sad.
but if i dont tell you, then i may lose you as well.
thats how fucked up my life is now. and i dont know how to change it.
i really have no idea what to do, or how to proceed.
help? anyone?

And Now She's Gone

i dont know what to do with my life.
hellgate is fun, yeah, but staying up to play it seems so secondary school.
trainings are officially over until the turn of the new year.
insomnia has ruled over my life for the past two days.
helping my best friend along with a breakup.
not getting into h3, which means the end of my scholarship dreams.
being told you are not good enough.
being pathetically outcasted by people around you.
and the loss of you, who has taken flight to a far away land of snow, with family.
can anything get any worse?
oh yeah, it can. holiday homework.

i want more out of my life. i dont want to be stuck in this bourgeois lifestyle forever.
i want more. i want to be IT. i want to make it so that NO ONE CAN EVER BRING ME DOWN WITH WHATEVER THEY SAY OR DO.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I AM SOMEONE OF WORTH IN THIS WORLD.
i dont want to beg pathetically for scraps of measly chances that only whet my appetite for more.

i want to break through these thick walls of mediocrity.

can i?
i want you to hold me and tell me that yes, i will be able to make it. but its all wishful thinking i guess. you probably wont read this either.



i want to scream my lungs out, but its 3.05 in the morning.

Cries In Vain

OFF TO MSIA TILL THE 6th! TRAINING TOUR~
Wish me luck people. Pray that i'd score my first field goal in competitive basketball. LOL.
i wish you were there to tell me you'd miss me.