End Transmission The Satellites Are Down; I Need An Earthquake To Shake This Pity Off The Ground

meh. all results are back, and they're so fucking unfantastic. what a time to get into a slump.
B for chem, C for maths, and Ds for everything else. so fucking great.
i guess i wasted an entire month studying.
because, fuck, i could get such grades studying, oh lets say, 2 weeks.

went for this applying for uk universities thingy, and i think i really wanna leave the country for my further education. because i think there's no way i can be the best of the best, an elite, without leaving the country. because even if you stay and you excel, people would say, oh but you still dont have the exposure. singapore's employers still mostly have the notion that hey, singapore universities are lousy shit compared to overseas universities, such as those in oh-so-great America. yeah sure, and what, SMU isnt doing the same thing as an American university? i have to leave, because staying for tertiary education in Singapore means you're gonna live your life disciminated against, rather than discriminated for, and id take the latter anyday of the week, twice on sundays thankyouverymuch.
and im not so fucking great to say hey, if its like that now, then lets change the fucking system.
because politics in singapore is a fucking dead issue, and i dont wanna say anymore lest i be taken in by the ISA or something.

and i guess, a part of me just wants to leave this life behind.
get a fresh start overseas where no one knows me, where no one would judge me. thats another reason why i dont wanna go to America, because hey, you'd live your life discriminated against, because lets face it, even though they say they're tolerant and all that crap, there's this cynicism deeply embedded in their culture, just like Singapore, where true racial harmony doesnt really exist. yes on the surface it looks fantastic. prominent people from other countries such as Israel have commented on how nice it is to see racial harmony in Singapore. i say, its a fucking lie. puh-lease, you just have to look at my class to understand. Then when you have those nasty little prank calls such as the chinese man screwing around with a foreign worker, and also the one where 2 chinese guys ask for pork at a muslim-indian stall, you'd agree with me. Crass insensitivity still reigns in Singapore, but then no one says a fucking thing. why? because its not their god-damned business.


oh world, im becoming a fucking cynic all over again. gah.

Cause I've Seen Love Die Way Too Many Times When It Deserved To Be Alive

life's been really eventful since my last blog entry heh.
Escape The Fate and BlessTheFall are really awesome, just what i needed after a few weeks of female lead singers. BlessTheFall has some christian influences, while Escape The Fate is another of those good ol' emocore bands.

Results are back, and i guess im really disappointed. B for chem C for maths (i need one lousy fucking percentage to get a B) and D for physics. Currently looking at a D for econs with 39/75 for my essays and i need 24/40 for my case studies to get a C, which is kinda impossible. I guess i really need to work now, to get my four As.
it just scares me, the level of commitment and discipline i need to have to achieve my dreams. its my last chance already, and i guess i DO need to buck up.
Nil Sine Labore, and Up and On?

On a separate note, been ponning classes lately just to watch floorball. funny thing is, my school's not even competing xD
im missing lessons cause i get to see my dear cousin stella and close friend jovena xD
well cousin can i just say that im proud of you? haha i mean even though you girls are eliminated you still hold yourself so well. i guess thats because we have the same genes :D
defeat is the best teacher, no? You girls are definitely better people after this experience, it doesnt matter whether you're champions or a first round team.
im proud of you two :D

and GP classes are just amazing. they brighten up what would have been a boring day. intellectual (okay maybe not so intellectual) conversations with ms sin are really thought-provoking, (getting shot down more often that not is just a minor drawback haha) and bitching sessions with classmates are really fun xD
i dont want it to end.
can time stop, so that i can cherish these moments for all eternity?
(and joyce, you are still a ho**y s**t, despite how much you're gonna dispute this :P)



the end is so near. by the 18th of November i'd be free, at least till the end of december.
it's just so scary to think about what is gonna happen in the future.
school's never gonna be so structured anymore.
its just me against the whole wide world.

And All These Twisted Thoughts I See Jesus There In Between

hello world!
back again after an imposed exile by the Mother from the computer. because i had to study for the fucking block tests. and it didnt go very well, but it wasnt that bad either. (okay maybe except for that phreaky phyiscs) think i should get A for chem, not sure about the rest though. Thats like one month of hard studying wasted, sigh.
on another note, im pes A. Commandos here i come!

flyleaf has awesome lyrics man. i mean, i almost cried when i read through the lyrics to So I Thought, which hasnt happened for quite awhile. maybe it spoke to me, i dont know. they're like a darker version of paramore, ha.

"all these twisted thoughts i see Jesus there in between"

as for underoath, turned out i got the concert album instead, so i didnt bother. haha but they're releasing another album later this year though, i cant wait.
im happier than i ever was for the last 10 over months, because a huge weight has been thrown off my shoulders. my friendships are great, parents are fine and close friends are like a collective pillar of strength and joy for me.
I LOVE YOU GUYS :D
yes i know its really inappropriate for a guy like me to express such feelings but i dont fucking care because im gonna smash up the stereotypes to tiny little bits XD

Also, to anyone who is reading this and is feeling really depressed right now. doesnt matter whether you hate me, or you dont even know me, i just wanna say I LOVE YOU TOO.
so please cheer up because life will get better. because i realized that no matter how sad you are, there's always someone out there is willing to help you.
so im gonna be that person to pull you out from that bottomless pit of agony and darkness. share your problems with your friends (and God if you're Christian) and cry with them, then laugh because the burden has left you. No matter how bad you think things are, it DEFINITELY will get better.
put your faith in your friends (and God, again if you're Christian) and you WILL get better.
i know, because i did. because i am better.
in fact i'm the best that i can ever be. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE