A Heart Wrung Out Left To Dry

Move Along Just To Make It Through

2011-02-23T07:40:00.002+08:00

you try to rationalize relationships; evaluating, comparing, complaining. but in the end the heart wants the heart wants. no matter how many times it's been hurt by the same person.

i understand how my church leaders felt now. how standing idly by sucks. how when it comes to matters of the heart, the smartest people become stupid.

i pray things turn out well for you.

Hello The End Is Near

2010-12-26T06:57:00.001+08:00

teenage angst although i'm a teenager no more.

2010-12-23T09:23:00.001+08:00

FUCKOFFWORLD.

100th Post!

2010-12-20T17:57:00.003+08:00

didnt expect this blog to last so long.

slacking around every day has turned my brain and body into mush. days and night blend together oh so confusingly, such that my body doesn't know when to shut down anymore. hopefully the turn of the new year brings more work events, so that i can have some normalcy in my life back.

only things that make me feel human are
1. gym
2. talking with people
3. basketball
4. clubbing/drinking
and last but not least 5. worship

everything else seems mundane. everything else is just another activity to pass time.
everything else just blanks out any lingering pain inside.
5 parties in a row starting from wednesday this week. think my legs will give way by the time monday limps in lol.

Boys Don't Cry

2010-12-20T14:20:00.001+08:00

why do i feel like crying when i hear the chorus in this song.
oh the irony.

And When You Smile

2010-11-29T23:29:00.004+08:00

i think maybe its time to let them know im gonna move on.
maybe the turn of the year is the best time.

after yet another fiasco, im staying single. relationships just dont make sense anymore. not when you're barely twenty-one, when we should be having fun instead of sticking to the same person for the next fifty years.

I'll Send You My Love On A Wire

2010-11-17T21:57:00.002+08:00

im really pissed at the pretentious, self-absorbed people on facebook, changing their facebook status every five minutes, putting up the most pretentiously annoying statements on facebook.

i don't know whether they're trying to look cool by dissing everything or everyone or tell the whole world that they are better than the rest because obviously they're not.

You Were Already You And I Already Me

2010-10-31T16:38:00.003+08:00

yet another phase in my life is coming to an end.
why do I keep feeling that nothing has changed?
I feel like the same neurotic emo kid of two years ago. but maybe just a little less idealistic.
I feel so much but yet so little at the same time.

and I'm only a quarter way through my life.

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane.... Again

2010-10-15T01:22:00.000+08:00

leaving for shoalwater bay, Queensland, Australia in a few hours time. perfect time to clear my head and figure things out.

till I'm back then.

Keep Me Alive When I Die

2010-10-10T20:46:00.001+08:00

where do you find someone so broken that he is satisfied only when he is unhappy?

All I Want Is My Radio

2010-10-07T00:24:00.002+08:00

I think with every breakup a little part of me dies each time. like I'm less like the person I was before. and it scares me when I realize how much I've changed.

its like my life always seems so damn perfect, like I'm always in control, always succeeding on all that I want to accomplish but the one thing that I can't get a handle on is the one thing other than my faith that is most important to
me. no matter what I learn it always never seems to be enough. how is it people can spend years and years in a relationship but j can't manage anything for more than a year without feeling the need to break up?

am I really such a commitment-phobe? its not even like I'm some player or anything. am I really so self-destructive that everytime I'm only ever happy when I'm all alone with my neuroses, tearing myself up over and over and over again?

when can I ever achieve perfection.

Don't Stop Believing

2010-09-27T16:10:00.002+08:00

I think there's something therapeutic to staying in an listening to the rain drops go pit pat on hard surfaces. makes one feel so.. zen.
I love lonely rainy days.

In The Bedroom After The War

2010-09-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

decided it was about time to revive this sad excuse of a webpage.

and everything resets, back to what it was two years ago.
but I guess I've grown older, wiser, and yet again learnt more about myself. some things good, some bad, some I never thought I could ever have.

how come in life when you move forward it only seems as if you are actually taking three steps back?
I guess I'll have the next five years to mull this over.

Even If Things End Up A Bit Too Heavy We'll Float On Alright

2010-05-24T00:27:00.001+08:00

national slave worries aside, this is the best time of my life.

You're Already The Voice Inside My Head.

2010-01-24T20:11:00.004+08:00

>this heart ache. this fist clenching the heart, it's impossile to bear.

We Float Away On Silvery Sleds Perfecting My Useless Charms

2010-01-23T14:06:00.002+08:00

i dont care whether you're in charge of welfare.
i dont care whether i'll get into trouble.
that was who i am. and asking me to change is asking me to take away my passion.
and i'll never do it.
i'll never bow down to an old fogey like you who wants change because you're afraid for your son.
afraid about the retribution that he's gonna get in place of you.
stupid old fuck.

In My Arms Don't Take Anything Away

2010-01-14T01:28:00.001+08:00

hark how the heart sings.

Bitter Heart Tries To Keep It All Inside

2009-12-31T16:27:00.003+08:00

2009 is drawing to a close.
2009's the year where i fell in love. with God. again.
2009's the year where i moved on.
2009's the year where i decided to shoulder more responsibility for my future.
2009's the year where i forgave and forgot.
2009's the year where peace, hope and joy returned.
what would 2010 bring?

Don't Go, Say You'll Stay, Spend a Lazy Sunday

2009-11-08T20:46:00.002+08:00

past few weeks has been so much a joy for me.
so fulfilling, so rewarding.
i now know that living in accordance to how God wants us to is so.. indescribably joyful.

i guess i'm more at peace now.
and i know it'll stay that way as long as i keep the faith.

i want to shout out Your name in praise loud to all the earth because You are so real to me and i am so thankful o Lord for the love you've shown me all my life

:D

I'll Kiss You On The Neck; People'll Stare But I Don't Care

2009-10-09T02:14:00.001+08:00

all the neuroses are coming back to haunt me.
God why am i back here again?

I Found Out From A Note Taped To The Door

2009-08-28T19:21:00.002+08:00

is it four months already? whoa. flying off tomorrow ohmygosh.

struggling so damn hard and its not with my faith. i dont know why but for the first time in almost a year i've got the urge to tear up my arms again. the only thing that stopped me from doing so was the possibility of going to the detention barracks, and i'm so not gonna destroy my future before it has even been set in place.

i wish my best friends could drag me out of my misery, but they're so busy that they can't.

can't wait to see aloysius again. havent seen him in months omg.

falling oh so in love with stars. why havent anyone heard of them (except you serena haha).
must..get..more..people..into..them..

watched juno on my itouch last night. no frickin idea what the hype was all about. kinda lame in my opinion, but hey, to each his own i guess. don't flame me here doh.

mind's in a fuzz. may blog more tonight when i get all cranky and inspirational.

Words Can Never Make Up For What You Do

2009-07-27T22:40:00.002+08:00

relationships are fragile things arent they.
there are the ones that seem all perfect but are not.
then there are those that seem to never end, but do.
then there are those that actually do work despite differences.

baffling stuff. i wonder whether this is the exact reason why He has been keeping me single. oh well.

One By One You Can Cage Them In Your Freedom Make Them All Disappear.

2009-07-25T02:41:00.003+08:00

been months since i've last blogged. finally back because its the first time in a long while that i actually have time to sit down and pen down my thoughts.
dont know where to begin this entry sigh.

okay so i've become a clubber now. is that a bad thing?
i guess clubbing for me is like another way to relax. because on the dance floor everything goes.
no frills, no stress. the way i like it.
another reason i guess is that its so damn amusing to see all the different types of people our lovely country has to offer. the despots, the fat girls/guys, the caucasians, the i-think-i'm-hot uggers, the real hotties.. and the list goes on.
you dont see these people often. some of them only come out when the alcohol goes in. which is why its so damn funny at times.

and then spiritually i've kinda hit a brick wall. how do i put it. i'm in transition, and im stuck. i guess i gotta put some faith into the prayers that were said today so that i can move on to the next step. Lord watch over me.

relationship-wise its still a desert out here. oh well. He'll decide when i'm ready again i guess so i'm not that concerned anymore. when it's time it's time right? can't force things.

friends are still awesome, just wish we could spend time together as a group, you know? instead of random spontaneous meetings just so that we could check the "met this week" column. is it so hard to return to those days back when we were all in school where we could spend the whole weekend together just enjoying each other's company and engage in meaningful conversation? guys if you're reading this we HAVE to make time for each other. no more "well if he wants/cares he'll do something about it". we ALL have to be proactive.

birthday next friday. i approach the date with apprehension because i'm so afraid that i would wind up not enjoying myself. which is a tragedy.

Xavia + Very Loud

2009-05-21T14:12:00.001+08:00

You're going away
And I'm feeling the same
Thing Day after Day
I can't let it go

Everyone in this room
They've got troubles too
Secret stories and
Lies that we never knew

Xavia, who will save us?
Your smile's on fire
And still my heart
Won't let you down, the sound

I don't wanna be
Your favorite enemy
Not when i can be loving you, alright
Why can't it be?
No two people feel
The same way at the same time

Xavia, who will save us?
Your smile's on fire
And still my heart
Won't let you down, the sound

Everyone in this room
They've got troubles too
Secret stories and
Lies that we never knew

You're going away(i don't wanna be)
And I'm feeling the same(your favorite enemy)
Thing Day after Day(i don't wanna be)
I can't let it go(your favorite enemy)

Xavia, who will save us?
Your smile's on fire
And still my heart
Won't let you down

Xavia, who will save us?
Your smile's on fire
And still my heart
Won't let you down

One heart to break, One heart
One heart to break, One heart
One heart to break, My heart
One heart to break, My heart

Xavia - The Submarines

And I wanna build Build it high for you
But the cost like other costs I can't afford you
But I always take the wrong way
This is why this love can't stay

And I wanna change, change the way we always have
And to make different plans and try not to make desire
But I always choose another way
This is why this love can't stay

Little by little
You gonna hear me cry (Hear me cry)
Why

But I wanna smell, smell the way you do
And to wear those clothes, the clothes your friends do
But I always choose another way
This is why this love can't stay

Little by little
You gonna hear me cry (Hear me cry)
Why
And I know that it started somewhere
And I really like it now, Yes I really like it now
Like it now

I got a plan
A plan to get us out of here
If we only can use your money we can definatly get get out of here
But I always screw it up someway
This is why this love can't stay

Little by little
You gonna hear me cry (Hear me cry)
Why
And I know that it started somewhere
And I really like it now, Yes I really like it now
Like it now

And we know it started yet, it started right there
And you were very loud yes you were very loud
But I really like that, very loud, like that yeah you were very loud

Very Loud - Shout Out Louds

I Love This Record Baby But I Cant See Straight Anymore

2009-05-21T10:26:00.002+08:00

mambo was a letdown ): had fun mostly at phuture yesterday haha. i guess next time i'd only go with unattached friends. would make things so much easier and i can at least let myself get high. seems to me like the experience is dimmed without enough alcohol in the bloodstream. =/

still feeling kinda buzzed right now. eardrums are ringing; eyes puffy. and i still have a bottle of wild turkey in my fridge! didnt bother touching it at all last night went straight to bed lol.
MUST..DRINK..COLA WHISKY..SOON..

in case you were wondering, i'm on block leave till the 25th sigh. posted to armour infantry fuck.
i dont want to be chasing after tanks for 6 damn months aaagh. the horror! block leave has been pretty uneventful so far, and it seems as if it'll stay that way all the way now. ):

i wanna go back to phuture again this week.
any takers?

I Don't Wanna Be Your Favourite Enemy

2009-05-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

been a long time since i blogged properly. i guess its a combination of not enough time and also the fact that ns has sucked the ability to express myself properly. after 4 months in ns im getting so damn sick of the whole affair altogether.
*note to self: i should stop ranting here lest i get caught.

so life's been like that. no interesting happenings because we are estranged from civilization. and, i dont classify ns happenings as interesting.

God, why is everything about ns in this post.

i dont have a life anymore.

on another note, i just found out about haruki murakami's books not long ago (thank you ming hao!) and they're fantastic. although at times i have this nagging feeling that i probably didnt get as many references as i should, its still awesome. currently re-reading sputnik sweetheart because its a little too deep for me to understand back in camp. hopefully i'd get the book after this second read.

i guess im a sucker for romance afterall.

Your Grace Has Found Me Just As I Am

2009-04-11T02:31:00.002+08:00

i am gonna commit myself to brighton community church.
its a promise, Lord.
and i wont let You down this time.

How Did We Get Here When I Used To Know You So Well

2009-03-29T17:38:00.002+08:00

suddenly i'm just dying for ns to be over. i want to start a new life dammit.

so the first week in sispec was fun, not to mention eye-opening. major test tomorrow, hope i dont phail lol. been doing quite well for tests so far hopefully it continues lol.

havent slept for 24+ hours and counting. brain's a bit dead now.

booking in later gahhh.

Why Can't We Make This Darkness Feel Like Home

2009-03-19T18:36:00.003+08:00

mambo night was awesome. no happenings this time around, just mambo.
my friends probably agree that i got drunk last night.
how am i supposed to go back to camp on monday after having so much fun i wonder.

so now i'm at home rushing through all my scholarship essays and applications, not that there were many to begin with. i think i have a really pitiful portfolio. i mean come on when you list your most exceptional academic achievement to date as your A level results, you know you're in trouble. how i wish i spent more time indulging in other activites instead of wallowing in self-pity in junior college. oh well what's done is done i guess now i can only hope for the best.

why am i so dependent on others i wonder. for comfort, for enjoyment, for almost every goddamn thing in the world. i wonder whether my friends are getting tired of me.

No One Would Ever Stop This Self-made Decline

2009-03-14T20:33:00.001+08:00

that's it. i'm done caring so damn much about our friendships.

Feelings Are Intense, Words Are Trivial. Pleasures Remain, So Does The Pain.

2009-03-12T21:08:00.003+08:00

my system crashed today. more about that later.

so my bmt experience is over. 2 months of training and now its come to this. block leave and waiting for posting to command school. in less than 2 weeks im going in for another 6 to 9 months of training. and i guess after the words from my PC, nothing should stop me from doing the best i can no matter where i go.

i guess i really cant please everyone, and in line with the resolution i set for this year, i guess i'm gonna stay away from people whom i would have personality clashes with from now on. its so frustrating to even try and make things better because the other party does not want you to even try. they just want to hate you forever.

A level results were great, but i havent been able to meet up with my close friends since 2 weeks ago, and im really sad. sad that we're all drifting away. im trying my best to keep things together guys, so would you just help me? its bad enough that one of us is so disillusioned - you dont want me to be too. then things would really fall apart. i am not kidding. where has all the camaraderie gone? the loyalty? that closeness? why can't we ever make the time for each other, our so-called best friends, but we can somehow find time for girlfriends, other friends, personal activities and whatnot. do we even care for each other as best friends any more? are we just meeting up for the convenience of playing basketball? it might seem hypocritical coming from me, but at least i still came back after a year's hiatus. and i dont wanna wait for a year for you guys to get back cause im a selfish person.

went to zouk last night to celebrate end of bmt with some platoon mates. ended up joining another group of friends and i got really high i guess. and i guess im lonelier than i would ever admit to anyone. oh and zouk's the reason why my system crashed. in case you wondered.

its just hard okay. i feel as if half of me is gone and i still havent filled it yet. not after almost 2 years.

If You Thought I'd Leave Then You Were Wrong 'Cause I Won't Stop Holding On

2009-02-21T00:34:00.002+08:00

so seven weeks have passed and i have 2 more weeks on tekong chalet.
time flies doesn't it?

had to evaluate my peers twice in the space of 5 days. and i guess i learned more about myself through these two exercises.
and considering the last time i had an extended stay in an army camp i guess this time around its much better. but it still could be.

finished twilight in camp and i guess i shall get the series. it's like, since i started i might as well finish it, no?

i've got so much to say, but i don't know how to put it down here in words.

and babe we really gotta meet up and talk. soon, ya? i really miss you.. and its not something im saying for the sake of it. im saying it because i really mean it. every day i lie on my bed at night, and my mind wonders how you're doing - whether you're fine, whether you think about me, whether... and the list goes on.

And I Dream About You All The Time

2009-01-27T02:16:00.002+08:00

back to camp in approximately 12hours.
how i wish i could spend every second talking to you.
chinese new year this year is boring as hell. gah.

sigh

Give Me The Truth Even If It Hurts Me

2009-01-24T02:24:00.003+08:00

so back from my 2 week chalet on a cute island near pasir ris. wasnt as bad as i expected.
oh well. not allowed to talk about it so im shutting up now.

so i kinda missed civilization.
i missed family.
i missed friends.
most of all i missed everything about you. i really wish that you wouldnt leave me hanging here, because this limbo is the worst feeling ever. not knowing where you stand. not knowing..
the chalet got me thinking about people, about life.
it showed me how diverse some people really are.
how divergent our thoughts are.
how similar we are.

061110.

I'll Be Waiting Wishing Wanting - Yours For The Taking

2008-12-31T15:56:00.004+08:00

so christmas came and went and the only present i got was the 50$ borders card i got from desmond. i bought randy pausch's the last lecture, along with one of the usual stuff that i read. havent gotten down to reading the last lecture though, gotta do it soon since im enlisting exactly next week.

how time has flown by me, and i barely noticed it. it seemed ages ago that i was sad, depressed about so many things. basketball, teammates, relationships and whatnot. and its weird feeling more or less the same as last year, the confusion, insecurity ecetera ecetera, but i guess in some ways i feel old now.

so the lessons i've learnt this year are plentiful, but i guess the most important one, the one i only learnt 3 weeks before the A's is that i cant please everybody. i only realised then that all my life i've been living for others, just so that i can keep everyone happy, so that they would like me. and i didnt realise that it was detrimental to my self-esteem till the nice lady in the counselling room told me so. and i realised that out of 9 irrational beliefs, i had 7. which made me realise that my life has been a farce so far. because its not even mine.

so i guess my 2009 resolution would be to do things that make ME happy. because i do not want to live life just so that i can please others. i do not want to be a mindless service machine, especially when most of the time people just do not appreciate what you do.

its gonna be hard to fulfill this resolution, especially with NS around the corner. oh well.

i dont know how to phrase number 1 in my previous entry. i guess maybe i never will. i seriously have no idea what to do about it.

My Heart Belongs To You My Angel

2008-12-27T04:08:00.003+08:00

been in a pensive mood ever since my parents dropped a bomb on me telling me that this year's christmas was to be spent alone at home.

so this is in line with the contemplative mood i've been in for the week so far.

5 things you wished you would do but are too lazy to
5. learn a cool foreign language
4. learn computer stuff like html
3. learn the guitar
2. enjoy running/jogging
1. work out

5 things you wished you weren't ignorant about/in
5. travel destinations
4. films
3. art
2. indie stuff
1. great literature

10 things you would like to say to anyone in your life/things you regret saying
10. nah i'll never get depression
9. i'm sorry i broke your heart then
8. i dont love you anymore (but i dont now, really)
7. i'm really terrified of the future because its me against the big bad world
6. you two are the bestest best friends one could ever have
5. you're the best teacher-now-friend i've ever known and i really appreciate all that you've done for me. i just hope i dont let you down come march
4. let's not lie to each other anymore. if you admit it then i would too.
3. i'm sorry i led you on
2. i'm sorry i slapped you

number 1 is missing because.

We Are Half Alone; Our Hearts Are Leaving Home

2008-12-22T23:21:00.005+08:00

been feeling absolutely lethargic since saturday morning. not being in the mood to do anything totally sucks. and its not like im not sleeping enough. i mean 7-8 hours of sleep is enough isnt it? its not like i need to rest to recover from exercise or anything.

im putting on weight i think. OMG. what a time. and enlistment is like 3 weeks more only god save me.
i really got to start a fitness regime in time for ns.

im finally done with fast times at barrington high. whole album is themed towards school memories and graduation and they did the lyrics quite well i think. though the academy is.. isnt the usual genre i'd listen to. blame mtv and radio in the days of mugging for the big A's.

i guess the album made me miss school more than i ever did. (vs, not sajc.) all those crazy times with 4d people in class and outside of it; of the many taupoks, wedgies and throwing people into the school pond; all the sauntering around school because we had the best results; all the school rules we broke in the freak accidents; locking tajuddin in supply duct; running down 7 stories for rojak every thursday; the intense matches in the pe soccer league; chemistry bio and physics lab funtimes; bridge and dai dee during lessons... then more recently the emo talks whenever we met up. i really miss the brotherly feeling, especially now that im facing the world on my own. i miss the feeling that someone has got your back no matter who you were or what qualities you had, chinese malay indian geek clown cool fun boring wimp daring leader follower outspoken shy.. and the list goes on. Victoria's sons would always find solace in one another, because we understand.

i'd ask my fairy godparents for another day with 4d, and i would pray like hell so that the clock never strikes 12.
i'd invent a time machine that would send me back 2 years in time, and freeze time so we all stay forever young.

Watching, Waiting, Commiserating

2008-12-17T01:40:00.004+08:00

Alone (not exactly true, since my brother is at home too) at home for 5 days so far. bored stiff at home so im grabbing at every opportunity to go out, even if its to take a train to dhoby gaut, pass a friend a present, and go back home. oh, reminds me, i hope your present isnt smashed or anything carin =/

Anyway life has been made even more boring since an unexpected and tragic event that occured last week. (not to me, in case anyone is wondering) And im sleeping in the afternoons and evenings more than ever since the disastrous intervention. hopefully this would just be a temporary state since i dont have much time left in the free world. i dont even want to count down the days because it'll make me feel even worse.

on another note, i need more songs to listen to aagh. currently on the academy is, the red jumpsuit apparatus, stars. i realised i only listen to soft stuff by female artists and not male ones. there's something about soft songs that to me cannot be sung by a guy. call me sexist but i dont care, i just feel that a soft song sung by a guy cannot compare to one sung by a girl. case in point: now its done by straylight run and calendar girl done by stars would be completely horrible if a male sung it.
i think im rambling.

i realise people that my blog is mundane and less introspective than ever, but please bear with me. there's so precious little to reflect about these days. these days, im looking forward :D

We Believe In This Love (part 2)

2008-12-14T21:47:00.003+08:00

done packing my shelves and they look clean and uncluttered. :D

legs are aching from yesterday's basketball.

life's uneventful. parents went off to taiwan on friday and im skipping meals like crazy. if i dont combine meals (brunch and dinner+supper) i'd barely be eating at all. lazy to get out of the house for my meals lol.

lack of food + lack of sleep = weight loss.

i hope =/

We Believe In This Love

2008-12-14T19:50:00.001+08:00

packing my room now and its a horror.

notes, notes, tutorials, solutions, exam papers, notes and more notes.

i feel like torching everything.

omg.

Beautiful, You Know You Leave Me Breathless When You Fall Into My Eyes

2008-12-11T21:04:00.004+08:00

sorry that today sucked.
wish i could've made it better for you.

class bbq was a bomb out yesterday. shan't say no more.

mundanity pervades into everyday life.

the torrential rain isn't helping much either.

pensive as i gaze out of the tear-streaked window.

And Said Whoever Is Up There, Please Don't Let Me Die

2008-12-06T02:44:00.002+08:00

just finished a lot like love. yeah, 3 years late.
so its 2.45am and im sitting here alone, thinking.

just thinking.

Those Notes You Wrote Me I've Kept Them All

2008-12-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

okay i'm bored out of my wits. 2 weeks into the holidays and i cant stand the sight of my computer anymore.

1st dec was Absolutsa, or sajc prom night, at the fullerton hotel. didnt get to see much scenery, stupidly cabbed down from city hall mrt because i thought i didnt know how to walk there, and blew 11$ on cab fare - the first of many.
so i went down to the ballroom area where i met up with friends, took photos and blah. dinner was horrible, walked around, took photos, drank lots and lots of coke and orange fizzy.
after prom went to the arena at clark quay for post-prom. bouncer almost didnt let me in, guess i should've brought my ic out lah, but still got in in the end.
drank 4 shots of chivas, then mixed about 4 more glasses, had a pineapple rum combo thingy. got high, danced, blah blah blah.

as you can tell im really bored outta my wits now. probably watched like 10 movies already, not to mention tons of south park episodes.

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
which incidentally im going to tmr.
and i need to start running gahh.

7th jan omg omg.

I Think I Really Had To Wish To Make This Last

2008-11-29T22:30:00.002+08:00

prom shopping today im dead beat.
went in and out of zara and ck like a tempestous cloud, looking for the perfect prom suit.
finally decided on a zara one with pedro shoes.
by then it was already 9pm doh.
but i still have to alter my pants disgusting.
they dont have the size for my thighs grr.

cant wait for prom!

My Eyes Are Fading; My Soul Is Bleeding

2008-11-27T20:38:00.002+08:00

48 hours in Singapore and i really cannot stand the weather.

been a pretty tiring first two days back so far. basketball on both days after a 8 days hiatus and now my knees and ankles are aching like mad. and i still have to play soccer tmr i think with my sec 4 class wheee. cant wait to see every one again and talk cock like mad OMG.

i swear i miss jarren's jokes, christopher's blasting laughter, gautam's cool, gavin's mat-like behaviour, enghwee and his antics.. and the list goes on. i'd kill to be in the same class as them for one more day again.

funny how two years has just flown by. two years ago, i was celebrating the end of the O's. now its the end of the A's OMG. two years later i'd be out of NS preparing for university, four more years till the Masters, then prolly 2 years after that i'd be considering marriage.

time is galloping by as i type.

so apprehensive about the future.
so alone.

Your Guardian Angel

2008-11-27T02:42:00.002+08:00

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Use Me As You Will; Pull My Strings Just For A Thrill

2008-11-26T11:15:00.002+08:00

so after seven eventful days in Japan im back in sunny Singapore.

Japan was AWESOME.

the scenery, the food, the service.

not gonna do a day to day update cos i think its gonna be boring, but i DO wanna thank joell and gabriel for being so nice to accompany me to disneyland and making it fun. and i also do wanna thank my 5 friends for being such sports and making the trip more fun than one could ever enjoy if he were with parents.

photos on facebook soon. really nice photos of scenery and stuff haha.

and oh people ive bought stuff for you! had one hand-carry luggage full of stuff to give away and i think i spent more on my friends than on myself. im nice :D

have a nice day people!

To Be Loved, To Be Loved; What More Could You Ask For?

2008-11-19T05:45:00.003+08:00

So the A's are finally over! :D
shall not blog about how the papers were etc cause they're OVER. i did them once and i'll never touch them again. EVER. 2 years of mindless chionging in a green uniform here i come! on the 7th of january that is. but i digress.

so the first hours spent as a free man was with my classmates watching daniel craig and his posse in Quantum of Solace, which was quite okay. it was dark but had shades of paradox in it. like how the seemingly unflappable Bond displayed his suppressed human feelings of love and pain through certain gestures and actions that to some may be irrelevant and pointless to the movie. but i thought it was great haha. (in case you dont understand what im talking about, im typing this at 6am in the morning and i havent slept for 24 hours and counting. my typing's messed up too lol)

then i spent the next few hours with one of my best mates, and looked around at stuff to generate ideas for prom outfit till i couldnt walk anymore, then proceeded to stuff my guts with carl's junior and their delectably sour pickles (i doubt delectably turns up on dictionary.com but i dont really care at this time.). wilfred had a nice time trying to cause me to be down with diabetes, but i heroically refrained from drinking iced lemon tea laced with copious amounts of sugar syrup, although the first few mouthfuls was quite.. nice. niesceeeeee.

now that the A's are over i guess there shouldnt be any more depressive bouts and emo outbreaks, should there?

on another note, i know i whine a lot people. just bear with me will you. i mean its good for you people that you're so damn sure about everything you're doing and you're comfortable with everything you've got. but im not, just give me time to sort things out.

i wanna return to the days in secondary four, where i was so sure of where i was heading in my life. VJC, then scholarship, then $125000/year job. guess when i headed to SAJC, i lost that direction and drive that i used to have.

oh, im off to japan with my friends as part of my post A's celebrations. 19th-26th, so dont organise any outings then! kawaii-land whee

Its 4 In The Morning And I'm Pissed Off So Dont Mess With Me.

2008-10-04T04:07:00.005+08:00

Enough. Is. Fucking. Enough.
Dont you fucking get it? Your opinions dont matter anymore. It never had, ever since i realized that i dont want to be stuck in this fucking household anymore. Ever since i realized that being a little better than average like both of you are is not where i want to be. I detest this fucking shithole im living in, so fuck you both. I have my opinions and I know where I stand - not where both of you have fucking placed me. Im not one of those fucktards that's gonna end up with a pissy BCC for their A levels; I'm already getting two A's and near B's FOR MY FUCKING PRELIMS. And both of you dont realize that do you? Both of you obviously think that one can only do well if you get straight A's. Well fuck you both. Neither of you made it to a junior college, so YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE DAMN SYSTEM. SO STOP FUCKING GIVING ME ADVICE YOU BACKSEAT DRIVERS. I HAVE A BRAIN, ONE THAT IS DEFINITELY TWICE THE CAPACITY TO THINK AND TWICE THE POTENTIAL TO SUCCED THAN BOTH OF YOU COMBINED.
IM FUCKING BETTER THAN YOU.
I KNOW IM FUCKING BETTER THAN YOU TWO PUT TOGETHER.
SO LEAVE ME ALONE. I KNOW WHEN TO PERFORM - I PROVED THAT FOR MY PRELIMS DIDN'T I? BUT AT USUAL BOTH OF YOU NEGLECTED TO FUCKING OPEN YOUR EYES - YOU JUST JUDGE BASED ON YOUR PETTY PRECONCEPTIONS WHICH ARE TOTALLY IRRELEVANT IN THE SYSTEM IN PLACE.

i swear when i'm 21, i'd take the trust money you invested and i'll run away with it. sure, might sound like im stealing money. but it was meant to be mine - all those things that you never bought for me went in that fund you have for me. all the playstations, gameboys; all those material wants that a kid needed in his childhood to ensure a healthy relationship with his parents. but you didnt give them to me. at best, you provided some, but compared to what other kids got, it was never enough. so dont solely blame me for making this into an unhealthy relationship - you created this monster that is living in me. so you just have to live with it. so scratch all those previous blog entries about loving my parents and whatnot. it's a fucking lie, as of today. take it that im coerced into living with two of the blindest idiots in the world, and pray that 3 years would fly by for me. because i REALLY CANT STAND THEM ANYMORE.

im gonna run away and create my own fortunes myself. and both of you wont get a single piece of recognition. to say that both of you never played a part in my life would be narrow-minded and obviously wrong, but neither of you ever contributed to my development into the celebrity that im gonna become.

watch me. because i dont need either of you to believe in my potential. i just have to believe in myself.

Stolen

2008-09-27T04:22:00.002+08:00

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only; Grand Farewells
Crush the best one of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all will sleep well
Sleep Well

Sleep Well
Sleep Well
Sleep Well

You have stolen
You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

Watch you spin around
In your highest heels
You are the best one
Of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

Dashboard Confessional

She Looked Out Of The Window And She Saw A Lonely Bird Flying Away From Love Lost.

2008-09-20T01:02:00.003+08:00

so something i should've done a long time ago has finally been resolved. not that im proud that i took so long, but i do have to apologise once again for leading you on.

so i was thinking whehter i should get into another relationship again, and i realized that no matter how lonely i was, i didnt want to jump straight into things, without considering whether the person was right for me. because i didnt want another failed relationship and i didnt want to go through all that break up shit again. call me a commitment-phobe - i dont care. it might be lame to you but you wouldnt understand. not yet, anyway. i hope you never do.

i sincerely hope im not gonna drown in my misery yet again. because im really down and the imminent exams arent helping. getting a D for physics sucks too, but its not on the same level.

my heart aches.
but its not for anyone.
its aching for me to live again.

Stranger Can You Forgive Me If It Sounds I Know You Too Well

2008-09-14T00:52:00.002+08:00

sent my brother off at BMTC school 1 today (technically, it was yesterday, but what the heck).

i dont know why, but ever since i was a kid i always cried whenever a family member was leaving for a prolonged period of time. like when i was a kid, my dad was up and coming in the military, and he often had to make trips to taiwan and god knows where else for trainings and stuffs, and i always cried whenever he left. even as i got older i didnt grow out of it. like when my brother was going to aussieland for his attachment before his final year in poly, i cried my guts out when he checked in his flight, even when his girlfriend and best friend didnt. and i felt like crying when he left again today, but i had to suck it up and swagger along, pretending i didnt care, because i didnt want my brother to worry or anything. i mean come on he has to get his head shaved, i think thats enought to worry about. i guess im not ashamed of it, because i guess, i just love my family too much. even if i dont wanna admit it to myself most of the time.

seeing so many couples today just make me nostalgic for being in a relationship again. i wish there was someone whom i could love, and this time i wouldnt make any mistakes. not anymore.
im tired of being lonely.

You're Everything To Me No More As I Wake From This Perfect Dream

2008-09-13T04:10:00.000+08:00

well prelims are over for me, but i have post prelim in 2weeks time i think. fantastic. just another exam to look forward to, i suppose. its funny how me and my classmates are so desensitized to the exams now. i remember axel saying something similar during block test 2, where he said he didnt have the mood to study because he already studied for the exam a few months ago. its like this prelims, its the 5th exam we're taking this year, but its the 4th official one (there was one unofficial milestone exam 2 which i ponned totatlly, because of basketball season. but i digress). anyway, coming back to the point, since my prelims were staggered before and after the september break, you would think id study my ass off during the september break, no? well you were wrong. i guess i slacked off like a dick during the break, and i guess my results are gonna suffer slightly due to that. i guess i only practised math paper 2 and read some econs, and i almost didnt touch physics (unless you count going to tuition as studying) and i totally neglected beloved chemistry. as you can guess, the two screwy papers i had (well three to be exact. i had 1 physics paper, and 2 chemistry papers. but chem paper 1 is mcq, so..) were well, chemistry and physics. physics section B was horrible and chemistry paper 3 was well, the toughest chem paper in my JC life. if its a paper where an elucidation question existed and i couldnt get the answer on the spot, you know its gonna be a tough paper. (i got the answer in the end. it was during a moment of epiphany before the chem paper 1, how nice.) so i lost at least 11 marks for my chemistry paper 3 and i dont wanna begin counting how many marks ive lost for physics so far.
sigh. i wanted to do well, but i dont think i can now.
maybe i should just forget about Imperial College London and hope that i'd get into NUS Chemistry Engineering. maybe its time to shape up and be realistic for once.

my brother goes into NS in approximately 5 hours time, and im gonna send him off, together with my family. i guess im not so worrie d about him, but i just wish my mother would leave him alone. she hasnt gotten the fact that we're adults now, and we dont need her to smother us anymore, because we can think for ourselves, but she never gets it.
and the fact that she never allows herself to lose an argument irks me, especially when she gives totally unreasonable excuses that dont make sense. sometimes i just wish i was born in another family, where at least i can actually communicate with my parents, rather than this facade im putting up right now. and i guess its also the reason why i seem to always wanna grow up and be an adult, even though i should be enjoying my teenage years.

i know its stupid, but there's side story series thingy of the star wars book franchise that i can really connect with. its the republic commando series, and i guess i identify with some of the characters, somehow. especially Fi, this commando.
i tire of this role of trying to jolly people along. why cant people cheer me up for once?
when would anyone ever notice, that the more im joking, the more it hurts inside?
i guess, the only reason i hide my feelings, is so that my friends can be happier in ignorance.

good luck to all who havent finished prelims!

Soon He Will Perforate The Fabric Of The Peaceful By And By

2008-08-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

my parents have done it again.
i turned 18 last week, but for all its worth, i might as well be 8 again.
i explicitly exhorted that i DID NOT REQUIRE ECONOMICS TUITION. and what did my lovely parents do? yep, they signed me up for it.
why is it whatever i tell them, they do the opposite?
WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL UNDERMINED WHEN IM ALREADY OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK, SMOKE, OR DRIVE?
WHY THE FUCK AM I TREATED LIKE A KID WHEN AT THIS AGE THEY ALREADY STOPPED INTERFERING WITH MY BROTHER'S LIFE?

is it any wonder why i wanna escape to another continent, where they cannot bother me anymore?

End Transmission The Satellites Are Down; I Need An Earthquake To Shake This Pity Off The Ground

2008-07-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

meh. all results are back, and they're so fucking unfantastic. what a time to get into a slump.
B for chem, C for maths, and Ds for everything else. so fucking great.
i guess i wasted an entire month studying.
because, fuck, i could get such grades studying, oh lets say, 2 weeks.

went for this applying for uk universities thingy, and i think i really wanna leave the country for my further education. because i think there's no way i can be the best of the best, an elite, without leaving the country. because even if you stay and you excel, people would say, oh but you still dont have the exposure. singapore's employers still mostly have the notion that hey, singapore universities are lousy shit compared to overseas universities, such as those in oh-so-great America. yeah sure, and what, SMU isnt doing the same thing as an American university? i have to leave, because staying for tertiary education in Singapore means you're gonna live your life disciminated against, rather than discriminated for, and id take the latter anyday of the week, twice on sundays thankyouverymuch.
and im not so fucking great to say hey, if its like that now, then lets change the fucking system.
because politics in singapore is a fucking dead issue, and i dont wanna say anymore lest i be taken in by the ISA or something.

and i guess, a part of me just wants to leave this life behind.
get a fresh start overseas where no one knows me, where no one would judge me. thats another reason why i dont wanna go to America, because hey, you'd live your life discriminated against, because lets face it, even though they say they're tolerant and all that crap, there's this cynicism deeply embedded in their culture, just like Singapore, where true racial harmony doesnt really exist. yes on the surface it looks fantastic. prominent people from other countries such as Israel have commented on how nice it is to see racial harmony in Singapore. i say, its a fucking lie. puh-lease, you just have to look at my class to understand. Then when you have those nasty little prank calls such as the chinese man screwing around with a foreign worker, and also the one where 2 chinese guys ask for pork at a muslim-indian stall, you'd agree with me. Crass insensitivity still reigns in Singapore, but then no one says a fucking thing. why? because its not their god-damned business.

oh world, im becoming a fucking cynic all over again. gah.

Cause I've Seen Love Die Way Too Many Times When It Deserved To Be Alive

2008-07-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

life's been really eventful since my last blog entry heh.
Escape The Fate and BlessTheFall are really awesome, just what i needed after a few weeks of female lead singers. BlessTheFall has some christian influences, while Escape The Fate is another of those good ol' emocore bands.

Results are back, and i guess im really disappointed. B for chem C for maths (i need one lousy fucking percentage to get a B) and D for physics. Currently looking at a D for econs with 39/75 for my essays and i need 24/40 for my case studies to get a C, which is kinda impossible. I guess i really need to work now, to get my four As.
it just scares me, the level of commitment and discipline i need to have to achieve my dreams. its my last chance already, and i guess i DO need to buck up.
Nil Sine Labore, and Up and On?

On a separate note, been ponning classes lately just to watch floorball. funny thing is, my school's not even competing xD
im missing lessons cause i get to see my dear cousin stella and close friend jovena xD
well cousin can i just say that im proud of you? haha i mean even though you girls are eliminated you still hold yourself so well. i guess thats because we have the same genes :D
defeat is the best teacher, no? You girls are definitely better people after this experience, it doesnt matter whether you're champions or a first round team.
im proud of you two :D

and GP classes are just amazing. they brighten up what would have been a boring day. intellectual (okay maybe not so intellectual) conversations with ms sin are really thought-provoking, (getting shot down more often that not is just a minor drawback haha) and bitching sessions with classmates are really fun xD
i dont want it to end.
can time stop, so that i can cherish these moments for all eternity?
(and joyce, you are still a ho**y s**t, despite how much you're gonna dispute this :P)

the end is so near. by the 18th of November i'd be free, at least till the end of december.
it's just so scary to think about what is gonna happen in the future.
school's never gonna be so structured anymore.
its just me against the whole wide world.

And All These Twisted Thoughts I See Jesus There In Between

2008-07-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

hello world!
back again after an imposed exile by the Mother from the computer. because i had to study for the fucking block tests. and it didnt go very well, but it wasnt that bad either. (okay maybe except for that phreaky phyiscs) think i should get A for chem, not sure about the rest though. Thats like one month of hard studying wasted, sigh.
on another note, im pes A. Commandos here i come!

flyleaf has awesome lyrics man. i mean, i almost cried when i read through the lyrics to So I Thought, which hasnt happened for quite awhile. maybe it spoke to me, i dont know. they're like a darker version of paramore, ha.

"all these twisted thoughts i see Jesus there in between"

as for underoath, turned out i got the concert album instead, so i didnt bother. haha but they're releasing another album later this year though, i cant wait.
im happier than i ever was for the last 10 over months, because a huge weight has been thrown off my shoulders. my friendships are great, parents are fine and close friends are like a collective pillar of strength and joy for me.
I LOVE YOU GUYS :D
yes i know its really inappropriate for a guy like me to express such feelings but i dont fucking care because im gonna smash up the stereotypes to tiny little bits XD

Also, to anyone who is reading this and is feeling really depressed right now. doesnt matter whether you hate me, or you dont even know me, i just wanna say I LOVE YOU TOO.
so please cheer up because life will get better. because i realized that no matter how sad you are, there's always someone out there is willing to help you.
so im gonna be that person to pull you out from that bottomless pit of agony and darkness. share your problems with your friends (and God if you're Christian) and cry with them, then laugh because the burden has left you. No matter how bad you think things are, it DEFINITELY will get better.
put your faith in your friends (and God, again if you're Christian) and you WILL get better.
i know, because i did. because i am better.
in fact i'm the best that i can ever be. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Tonight I'll Lie Awake Feeling Empty

2008-06-11T03:25:00.000+08:00

im listening to mainstream music (read: radio) recently. i felt like it because i havent d*****ded anything new recently and listening to paramore over and over again is making me light-headed. because ive got this mild infatuation with hayley williams doh! its just that cheeky exuberance she exudes on that's what you get mv. God she's so desirable. but i digress. so now flyleaf and underoath are gonna be my new obsessions once that nice little bar hits a 100%.
i realize ive been subconciously looking for christian influenced rock/emo/alternative bands because listening to those rah-rah christian songs is a drag when you wanna scream. i mean they're great if you wanna worship, but not good if you just wanna shout out to the Lord. lol i dont think im making sense there.
yes people im proudly declaring that im a christian. though im kinda ashamed im not going to church because i find going to one a drag. kinda like a conflict in interest but i swear id go regularly after my A's.

well i guess i reached my emancipation. at least free from part of my angst, that is. i've stopped lying to myself and now i feel so much better.
i guess im more comfortable with myself now. being the stuck-up prick, the elitist. knowing you're smarter than most people in this world (bit narcisstic and proud i know). i guess part of why im was so miserable was the fact that i couldnt be this person, not in my current environment. i cant because the people around me arent like that. i used to be surrounded by people who thought like me, and i was too comfortable with that, so much so that i didnt realize how i came across to the new people ive come to know. i didnt keep that part of me tuned down, so i guess that's the main reason why they detest me. and i didnt realize why they detested me so i was miserable because i didnt understand why they did so. i fell from my perch, and it hurt because i was always the centre of things.
but its no matter, because now i know who i am, they're not really the type i'd want to be good friends with, because the thinking that i have is totally different to what they have.

but recently its been another test of this newfound self-awareness. because of my knowledge of my abilities, i dont really study 24-7 a week. but i study enough. thing is, my parents dont have the same level of intellectual abilities (yes its stuck up to say this, but i dont care. read the previous paragraph if you dont understand why.) they want me to do 25-8 a week. they have always wanted so for like my secondary school days. i put in around 6 hours a day because its sufficient for me but they dont think so. they dont think im smart enough to only put in 6 measly hours of work in a day. they want every single waking moment to be study, study and study, at least thats what it seems to me. and it pisses me off, but i cant do anything, at least until im 21 where ill shatter these chains and fly away. not that my conscience would stop me, because i have a diminished one.

i get so frustrated dealing with my parents because THEY DONT UNDERSTAND. they never grew up being among the best. they never know what it is like to just have that ability to comprehend things quickly, so they put in more hours of effort just to make up for the lack of ability, and they expect me to because they think i have only the ability that they have. what an insult.
i wanna break away from the petty bourgeois so that no one would EVER doubt my ability again.

i just needed to rant. bottling stuff up aint good for me.

I Drowned Out All My Sense With The Sound Of Its Beating

2008-05-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

i guess ive been thinking alot lately.
i've thought so much about how im hurting. about what i could do to end it.
thing is i guess i dont wanna think about such things anymore.
because thinking hurts. i'll go insane if my situation worsens and i dont wanna be insane.

im gonna live. im gonna live and the reason for my living is for my best friends in this world; for minghao and aloysius (no position of merit lol.) im gonna live and make them as happy as possible in my company. im gonna lift them up if they're sad.
im not gonna live for myself anymore because i'm too hurt and battered to do so.
IM GONNA LIVE.
EVERYONE HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR.
IM GONNA LIVE SO THAT I CAN MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY.
WATCH ME, WORLD.
WATCH OVER ME, LORD.
IM GONNA LIVE.
AGAIN.

It Hurts; Wounds So Sore

2008-04-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

i salute you xinling. i have no idea how you did it. being motivational and all. pretending to be strong so that your friends have someone to lean against. saying things you yourself dont really believe in.

im pathetic. i really am.

Screaming Hallelujah

2008-04-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

it seems so long ago that i knew who i was. what i had going for me. what was important, what wasn't.
i cant fathom the point at which it all started degenerating. but begin it did and now its a landslide to hell.
giving up hope. embracing despair. swallowing my pride.
smashed to smithereens and i had to piece myself up, painfully.
and continue as if nothing happened.
because apparently no one cared. not even you, even though you promised.

im sick of this charade ive got to put on every single day.
im sick of pretending that im okay.
im sick of acting that words dont hurt, because they do.
im sick of all this, Lord.
take me away.

im begging you, o Lord.
take me away.

Creating My Structure

2008-02-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

haha i finally used the penknife to cut something other than myself today.
it was really hilarious when i thought about it hahaha.

its funny how my life has turned out this way.
no one ever said i was a brooding child when i was young. more hyperactive than contemplative.
to think the teachers used to write things like: Eric is a bright child and has a bright future if he taps into his potential.

IM SORRY, TEACHERS.

Stapled Shut Inside An Outside World

2008-02-21T22:40:00.001+08:00

written during econs tutorial (between copying notes and listening to the teacher LOL)
it was a wonder i managed to learn at all.

An explosion of warmth on skin
Red tide consuming the expansive beige
A silent scream of agony
Is what it is.
Pulled by gravity
It drips
Pooling around the lifeless mannequin
Lying on the cold, dusty floor.

Bow Down Before The One You Serve

2008-02-18T20:17:00.001+08:00

well if you hate me that much id just fade into the background then.

Wounded.

2008-02-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

there's a really good song by good charlotte which i dont think many have heard because it wasnt made into a single and it wasnt played on radio. stupid mainstreamers have no idea what they're missing out.
it goes something like this.

lost, and broken
hopeless and lonely
im smiling on the outside; but hurt beneath my skin.

i guess this would be the perfect theme song of life as i know it.
I DONT DESERVE SUCH SUFFERING.

From A Lacerated Sky

2008-02-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

why cant my parents just accept that i wont study for 10 hours 5 days per week.
its becoming almost impossible to detach myself from the incessant nagging.
i want to shove their criticism back down their throats because they just dont seem to get the fact that i DONT HAVE TO FUCKING STUDY 10 HOURS A BLOODY DAY TO GET AT LEAST A C.
its not my damn fault that you dont have a memory like mine, shitheads.
______________________________________________________________________

you know how people have plans for the future?
like dreams and all.
i dont have a single aspiration or ambition in life now.
its like i cant see any further than jc2 life.
i cant see myself in ns.
i cant see myself in university.
i cant see myself working.
i cant see myself getting married.
i cant see myself having kids.
i cant see myself having grandchildren.
it seems as if im not supposed to live that long to find out.

and surprisingly i dont give a damn.

i dont see whats the point of living such an uneventful life.
i dont get why people say that there's so much to look forward to life.
i seriously think that what they say that there is to look forward to is just simply fucked up.

for example, i dont see what is there to look forward to getting married. Because the average marriage lasts about 10 years nowadays, so why bother to get married when you are not going to live your life out with your spouse anyway.
save the trouble of having a divorce, i say.
______________________________________________________________________

on a final, depressing note, i read a book where a guy was asked whether he wanted his money or his life.
and when the guy didnt respond, the robber asked him what was his answer.
the man said he was thinking it over.

Por Siempre

2008-02-06T00:17:00.000+08:00

i feel so blessed that i still have friends that understand me and my idiosyncracies, such as dear weeshan who's been my friend for 12 long years, minfei and the dudes.
i never felt so high even with alcoholic stimulants.
oh and on a more depressing note, the following was a something that i wrote in econs (i think) today.

Deviod - of warmth.
Estranged - from happiness.
Disowned - by joy.
Enveloped - by sadness.
Kissed - by sorrow.
Filled - with pain.
An attempt to drag myself from the black hole of despair
Was crushed, unknowingly.
Huddled in the dark
Do you see me? Can you hear me?
Doubt.
In december underground i weep,
Suffocating under words of sorrow.

Read The Lines In The Mirror Through The Lipstick Trace

2008-02-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

this week has been like a fucking roller coaster of emotion.
prepared like crazy for definite integral only to be fucked up by differentiation instead. because i thought differentiation was too fucking easy. what a shithead i was.
you're leaving me hanging in the dark
then i had a first. being totally lost in an exam. if not for axel's big handwriting and his cheatsheet i wouldnt even have done the 23marks that i did.
i cant read your mind.
training later that day was screwed up cos my whole body was still screwed up by derrick ong's killer pe session on tuesday. i still cant bend backwards now.
i wish i knew how you feel. then i could stop wasting time.
and i had to sprain my right hand later that day after training. this effectively rules out playing basketball on saturday with the dudes.
and i probably wouldnt be able to go out with you.
sigh.

The Tension And The Terror

2008-01-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

A look,
A laugh,
A smile,
A second passes by and i regret it.
Words just aren't right.
Sometimes i just can't explain
All the ways you devastate me-
Always on my mind.

-straylight run

And We'll Paint Over The Evidence

2008-01-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

i think. im headed straight for the ground this time.
no crash webbing.
no parachute.
just burning a trail into the sky.

I'll Be Outside, Waiting For You

2008-01-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

The boy huddled in the corner of his frosted glass cell, thinking. He knew he wanted her but she wasnt responding anymore. So the hope that someone would be able to drag him out of the shithole that he was stuck in for a long time would be yet again dissolved. Her constant optimism, behind the frosted glass, was blurred, so beautiful. But out of reach, and would almost never be his to hold, to cherish. He would be doomed to depression, and probably die of blood loss. Because he really felt that there was nothing to live for. True, he probably had a bright future: making money, marrying a woman, starting a family and so on and so forth, but the truth was it would be too mundane. No one would be able to be truly happy in a world that was overly screwed up with political conflicts and ideological clashes. Skirmishes and assasinations did not make things easier for his frazzled mind, either. The cell made things look even worse, as he could not understand the reason for such happenings; the glass making every connection hazy, indistinct.
He took out a long-forgotten acquaintance, undecided, not sure whether to meet his razor sharp friend again.
He couldnt see what else to do, or what to think.
He cries, in vain.

Oh i wrote that story in GP class today. cos i was inestimably bored. LOL.

Crash and Burn?

2008-01-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
some days i get so high i can fly.

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
but some days are just days that are meant to suck.

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
and you come crashing back to the ground.

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
and it really hurts.

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
when you strike the cold hard pavement?

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
i think im in a freefall now.

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
no idea whether some updraft is gonna catch me and send me back up?

tool sheds and hot tubs says:
or gravity is just gonna pull mercilessly on me.

toolsheds and hot tubs says:
and cause an unmistakable splat on the granite road.

toolsheds and hot tubs is me in case you didnt know already. xD

Sympathy for the Martyr

2008-01-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

well its been 3 days since school has reopened.
watching all those j1 kids running around so happily reminds me of the days spent in ac. funny how i always wanted to leave ac for vj, but have ended up missing the place so much. sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i stayed there after pae..
well i wouldnt have gotten this far if i stayed i guess. haha.

two basketball trainings in a week, and the whole team is dying already. our muscles ache and cramp up, coupled with stitches for two days, plus shooting over 400 baskets in one training. its a wonder we havent collapsed in fatigue yet with all the physical trainings added in. but well, I CAN RUN A DECENT 2.4 TIMING NOW :D

im so affected by the world right now, i think im mildly depressed. all these fucked up things in the world like assasinations, political wars ecetera ecetera, is really getting to me. why cant all these fucked up adults just set aside prejudices and THEIR FUCKING LOVE OF POWER SO THAT THIS WORLD CAN BE A BETTER PLACE? why intervene in the provision of cheap laptops when it can help so much children to break out of the vicious cycle their life is? why must they intervene when a country wants independence? why start wars when they already know that THEIR PEOPLE WOULD SUFFER ANYWAY? why cant the adults see that, by protecting their own interests, they're actually hurting us, their future? why. why? does anyone have an answer?
somedays, i dont feel like living anymore. and it sucks.

Now It's Done

2007-12-27T02:41:00.000+08:00

Moving in so like the smoke from your cigarette.
Every step closer's a step
that we both will regret.
Keeping a tally, but who can keep track.
Your over-reacting is taking me back to a time better left alone.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.

Keep a tight grip like a child
holding onto a swingset.
Waiting and hoping to find
what I can't figure out yet.
Please don't unless this is something you mean.
Another nightmare instead of a dream better left alone.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.
I never lost so much.
I never lost so much.
I never lost so much.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes.

Holding onto the phone.
Holding onto this glass.
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
they'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
it's better now it's done.

-Straylight Run

Existentialism On Prom Night

2007-12-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

you know you are really fucked up when you cry on christmas eve.
how can you not know?
sadness came crashing down on the walls on my sanity and yet i have to show a happy face and all, cause my aunts and cousins are there at the table, eating with us in a nice hotel restaurant on christmas eve in malaysia, and i dont want them to worry, do i?
i dont want to spell it out to you for fear of losing you.
imagine telling jokes when you are crying.
imagine making people laugh when you are sad.
but if i dont tell you, then i may lose you as well.
thats how fucked up my life is now. and i dont know how to change it.
i really have no idea what to do, or how to proceed.
help? anyone?

And Now She's Gone

2007-12-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

i dont know what to do with my life.
hellgate is fun, yeah, but staying up to play it seems so secondary school.
trainings are officially over until the turn of the new year.
insomnia has ruled over my life for the past two days.
helping my best friend along with a breakup.
not getting into h3, which means the end of my scholarship dreams.
being told you are not good enough.
being pathetically outcasted by people around you.
and the loss of you, who has taken flight to a far away land of snow, with family.
can anything get any worse?
oh yeah, it can. holiday homework.

i want more out of my life. i dont want to be stuck in this bourgeois lifestyle forever.
i want more. i want to be IT. i want to make it so that NO ONE CAN EVER BRING ME DOWN WITH WHATEVER THEY SAY OR DO.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I AM SOMEONE OF WORTH IN THIS WORLD.
i dont want to beg pathetically for scraps of measly chances that only whet my appetite for more.

i want to break through these thick walls of mediocrity.

can i?
i want you to hold me and tell me that yes, i will be able to make it. but its all wishful thinking i guess. you probably wont read this either.

i want to scream my lungs out, but its 3.05 in the morning.

Cries In Vain

2007-12-01T00:35:00.000+08:00

OFF TO MSIA TILL THE 6th! TRAINING TOUR~
Wish me luck people. Pray that i'd score my first field goal in competitive basketball. LOL.
i wish you were there to tell me you'd miss me.

There's A Pulse And Its Deafening.

2007-11-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

basketball friendly against cjc today. not bad we won them 52-32 but it was mostly tianwei's doing lol. he prolly scored like 30 points or something haha.
i only got 1 rebound and 1 assist ): oh well at least i forced a few turnovers haha. GOTTA IMPROVE though. T_T

i never saw anyone hit another person in cold blood. but i did today. and it was kinda shocking cos we all thought he was playing around. but he wasnt. which brings me back to a question ive pondered over countless of times but have never gotten an answer.

why cant people take jokes when its pointed at them?

i mean, its not really a big deal if its done in the spirit of fun and everybody is laughing.
is it?

sigh.
i really want you.

DIE, ASSHOLE

2007-11-25T01:52:00.000+08:00

COCKROACH VS SHIELDTOX.
ITS A NO CONTEST.

THATS WHAT YOU GET IF YOU CREEP UP ON ME WHEN IM READING MY BOOK, YOU STUPID BUGFUCK.

SHIELDTOX FTW!

Emo Boy

2007-11-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

A guy, usually between the ages of 15-30, who listens to emo music and have many of the characteristics commonly affiliated with emo people. They usually have semi-long jet black hair that covers about 1/3 of their face (including one of their eyes), may or may not wear eyeliner, and wear rather tight clothing, including tight jeans and tight shirts/sweaters, usually band merchandise. Many also have studded belts, and tend to like Converse or Vans shoes.

Now, about their personality. They usually have a bit of a feminine personality, expressing feelings quite openly, and not really caring about how "tough" they are, as most average guys do. Many are artistically talented, and like to write poetry and songs, or even draw/paint. It is often stereotyped that emo boys cut themselves, but actually, most don't. Those that do, though, do NOT do it simply for attention. They do it because of actual emotional issues they're dealing with. Otherwise they're simply emo posers.

They more often than not are very nice and respectful towards other people. However, most likely they would not be respected by many guys since upon first glance they'll think they're gay. In fact, most emo boys are NOT gay. Sure, some might be, but more often than not, they're either bi or just straight. Emo boys get along very well with girls for this reason, as girls not only share many of their views, but are also undeniably attracted to them. - taken off urbandictionary.com

I wish that last sentence was true.

sigh.

The More I Try To Look Away The more I'm Staring

2007-11-20T18:42:00.001+08:00

The boy watched the object of his adoration from afar, and reflected bitterly upon his utter inability to make her his own.

i hate this feeling.

Her Conscience Calls The Guilty To Come Home

2007-11-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

training today was okay but i need to improve.
AND MY STAMINA STILL SUCKS.

Hand Of Blood

2007-11-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

im getting inexorably drawn closer and closer to something that i dont believe im ready for so soon. ignoring it doesnt work and i dont want to taste that bitterness yet again if it doesnt work once more.
i think it has something to do with boredom but i havent coped with boredom since secondary 3. which seems like ages ago.
oh help me please. i dont know what to do.

So Lay Roses Around You

2007-11-11T13:06:00.000+08:00

its really really bad when you know you aren't good at a single shit in life.
and its worse when you realize that you cant do a thing about it.

It's not enough.

2007-11-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

ive probably wasted months. and the feeling totally sucks when you let donwn countless of people.
i almost cut myself again.

Way My Heart Breaks And Spills

2007-10-27T00:21:00.000+08:00

oh well it had been a tumultous month so far and the worst is yet to come. there's chinese As on monday (yes, i know. higher chinese peeps at o's do not have to take it. zz) and there's this cute assesment in our project work called Oral Presentation on next friday. We also have to hand in our very nice I&Rs on monday. this means that there will not be sleep on monday night. lol.
oh well. the previous post was sth i wrote during physics promos. I was so stoned that my brain came up with that weird little story, and i felt compelled to pen it down. Dont worry im not suicidal lol.

speaking of promos..
it went pretty well, but i was kinda disappointed with my chemistry. Didnt really study much as i thought organic was simple. Turns out it was the most tricky paper for organic chem ive ever done. coupled with missing out on some really simple marks (such as writing RDS grr) i got an overall B for chemistry. which had a grade of 69. which really sucks because the A grade in SAJC is 70. which means that i may not be able to get that ntu h3 for organic synthesis. but whatever. i cant change a thing now.

overall i got ABBCDD. I MANAGED TO PASS PHYSICS AND ECONS WTH. its like amazing ya? considering i only studied like 3days for econs.

basketball training is getting tougher and i need to perform better so that i may get a chance to warm the bench next year. that's my target for now. ill review that target at the end of the training tour in malaysia.

ive become really detached fromwhatever im doing nowadays. and im feeling really, really somedays. pensive thoughts all day long. i really want to do something that will spark my interest in stuff again.
did that make sense? i have no idea.

haha. i think i shall end here now.

Red on Beige; Blood on skin.

2007-10-06T03:02:00.000+08:00

The artist sat in the middle of the room, staring at his newest painting. Bright red, it was changing shape before his very eyes. As the red slowly trickeled down the canvas onto the dusty, blackened floor, he contemplated his life thus far.
All he had in life was pressure from his parents, teachers and peers. He never truly got a chance to be who he wanted, until the time he finally ran away from home. Even then it still took someone else to mould him into the person that he was today. But now she was gone, forever, because failure after failure left him disillusioned with life, and he did not want her to suffer with him anymore. So he ran away again.
As he reminicised, the blood trickling from his arm slowly came to a stop, surprising him. He thought he had cut himself deep enough this time. "No matter," he thought and he stood up for the first time in hours.
He walked to his window. There the panoramic view took his breath away. For a moment he reconsidered his decision, because if such beauty existed in the world, then he could definitely do something beautiful with his life too. But the novelty soon wore off, like the many things that entered and exited his life.
Looking at the cityscape, he took a deep breath, then smiled. His emancipation was finally here.
Then he took his life.

That Blue Is Getting Me High Taking Me Low.

2007-09-20T21:27:00.001+08:00

hit a rough patch in my life recently. 4 problems all at the same time. at least ive gotten past 3. the last one is kinda hard to get over.
i feel guilt. lots of it.
and thats why i cut myself.
promos are coming. i need to work hard soon. if not i may retain.
i dont want that do i?
better work hard people.

Acceptance Is What Holds Us Here

2007-07-04T21:03:00.000+08:00

sorry havent been in the mood to blog at all. and didnt have time to anyway.

update. i didnt get into council. but i did get into basketball. common tests were a horror and i got a stupid D for my maths. just cos my teacher doesnt want to give me 1 more stupid mark. im prolly going to fail both econs and physics (wow) and i have no idea about my chemistry. the only good grade so far is a B for chi (HAHA). been playing basketball alot and now i got blisters on my two small toes, thanks to my new shoes.
thats all about my life.

was watching random channels on tv just now and i happened to stop at MTV's boiling points. it was about some guy trying to extort 1000$ from a mum/dad so that her child would make it to the finals of a "talent show". the thing that really got to me was that they were almost agreeable at first when the guy asked them whether they were willing to "help" their children to get the win WITHOUT THEIR CHILD'S KNOWLEDGE.
why the fuck would a parent do that? dont they know that if the child finds out, he/she would hate them for life? do they really think that helping their children through such means would really make them happy? (unless, of course, the child is shameless enough to ask for it in the first place) dont they know the pride of their child would be irrevocably shattered? parents are really fuckwits sometimes. why do something so stupid that is not going to help your child anyway? why create such a fairytale world where nothing goes wrong for the child? you're going to die one day and what would your child do if you are no longer around to save his/her sorry ass? would he be able to survive in today's backstabbing shitworld? NO. so LET THEM SUFFER DICKHEADS. LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANT. LET THEM TRY STUFF ON THEIR OWN WITHOUT OFFERING YOUR OUTDATED, USELESS ADVICE.

enough.

As Snow Falls On Desert Sky

2007-05-11T19:32:00.000+08:00

havent had time/mood to blog. sorry.

oh my gosh.
worload has been overwhelming for the past few days. and it is about to get worse. 5 tests next week and there is still so many homework to do. gp presentation and application questions, not to mention the many unfinished tutorials. and we still have to go for some documentary next thurs. and friday is math test. T_T
i have no idea where to start. on top of that we still have to do GPP by next mon.
are we dead or what.

so much has happened for the past week or so.
i got an a for my math test :D passed council elections and basketball trials (barely). took another econs test, this one on firm theory of cost. got into accelerated programme for gp and did another essay, this one on globalization. i got 26. horrible. got a BRONZE (wth) for napfa even though i had25pts from 5 stations. yes. not suprisingly my stamina gave way and i have gotten an E for 2.4 this year. absolutely disgusting. not to mention chem lecturer storming from cc, the many carrom matches with limjiao and gang, burning and getting burnt by limjiao in capatin's ball, participating in physics and math classes, ponning CHINESE and certain physics and chemistry lectures. and also finally enjoing demolition lovers. what a beautiful song.
not to mention our 14th month darling
i have no idea why people can listen to the crap on radio and enjoy it. does R&B or hip-hop have any meaning in their lyrics? i dont think so. look at Akon's smack that. look at Nelly Furtardo's Maneater. then turn and look at My Chemical Romance's Demolition Lovers. Or Underoath's A Boy Brushed Red Living In A Sea of Black and White. or the rest of the excerpt of songs that i have been using as my entry titles. its beyond comparison. to me, anyway.

i really need a 1gb microstick soon. i cant take any photos anymore. damn. there were such nice skies the past few days. missed the chance to take them all..

sigh. informal speech next mon, and i still have council elections on friday. campaigning posters to do and put upi really do hope nothing bad happens on friday. i still have to go back to vs to conduct mutuals. at least ill be free on saturday! which may then be occupied by class outing. i do hope they'll let me drag darling along XD

But Counting Down The Days To Go

2007-04-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

just got back my econs essay today. wth man. never gotten such crappy marks for an essay before. even if it were on a subject that im ignorant about. its just no freaking excuse to get such stupid marks. zz.

just had math test today. im really hoping to get an A, but who knows. hahas. hopefully ill get it.

my eyes are tired now. damn. stupid contacts. grr.

today is such a stupid day for me. first i lost in a stupid fashion while playing carrom. next ii blew up in pe. then smashed my face in the cultural centre door. then i stepped on spilt ben and jerry's ice cream on the floor. zz. friday the 13th was 4 days ago thanks.

anyway..

07S25 had an informal class outing today. we went to united square for free ben and jerry's ice cream~ hahas. imagine queing, talking, eating all at the same time. together with your friends. well thats what we did today.
and serena, YOUR BAG IS HEAVY O_O
shoulder hurts. zz

not feeling emo today. so i shall end this entry and do gp.
grr. gp.

In This Sea of Lonely

2007-04-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

oh well. 07S25 wiped out today.
thursday night. economics revision and rushing out preliminary idea on the same night. needless to say most people chose the obvious one. lucky for me, i already did half of revision the night before XD
hence during chapel, people were studying. thank god (and serena) i flipped open my 1st 3 months notes. if not i would have never remembered price determination and theory of demand and supply.

sitting at our designated seats (stupid econs lecturers), a bundle of nerves. when the questions were flashed on the visualizer, groans could be heard from residents of 07s25. almost all did not study the fateful chapters on price determination and ss dd. this led to many people doing the part b question, which was elasticity concepts, first. needless to say many didnt finish their essays, and those that finished didnt do it convincingly enough.

another day in the school we call SAJC.

havent been so emo for a long while. i was kinda surprised at myself when tears started streaking down my face. not sure why the play touched me so much, but it did. sigh. sorry if i scared you people. xD

finally a weekend of rest. even though there is maths test on monday/tuesday. but no one gives a damn.
so why should i? (:

Tears Rain From Above

2007-04-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

PI, screw you.

This War/It's Getting Harder

2007-04-09T20:00:00.000+08:00

have decided to return to blogging after months of exile from blogger xD
updates since my last post. i havent got into vj(yeah yeah. zz) and im in sa now. still feel kinda stupid cause its the third time that vj has rejected me. oh well. i've Shut Up & Moved On already. anyways, im not the only idiot who got rejected by vj cause some of my classmates are too :D
oops.
life has been kinda uneventful these few weeks. its just a constant deluge of lectures and tutorials that have left 07S25 winded. furthermore, the economics workload is absoultely ridiculous. what with essays after every lecture to write and screwed up lecturers who do not teach and ask us to stone instead, it is really a wonder that we have even scraped passes for our essays so far. that is, my classmates. i havent passed a single shit yet. zz.
on a brighter note, chemistry and mathematics is a breeze :D (thank you AC!~) mathematics lectures are going to start on functions and graphs and chemistry is currently on chemical bonding. but the previous chapter was covered by PKB in AC so im safe. at least for the next few class tests xD

sigh.

i miss ACJ now. what a stupid mistake it was to leave AC. how could one possibly know about the stupid teachers in SA? (nothing on my GP teacher! she's nice :D) nor could one possibly preempt that the economics teachers are so bitchy. i absolutely detest people who really demand respect. why cant they learn that the only way to garner the respect of people is to treat them with the respect they demand? is it so hard to not scream and shout at every little thing that we do? dont they realise that their screams only make things worse? no one is going to respect any of you when you start making us feel small or look stupid.

screw it.

been talking to some of my ex classmates in AC. apparently, half the class has been kicked and are mostly now in NY. hope you people are having fun. sure miss you guys. hope we have a class outing soon xD
unicorns! i havent forgotten about you people. CAN WE HAVE AN OUTING PLEASE. I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS!

emo emo emo.
tomorrow it'll be 13th month with you darling (:
it just hasnt hit me that im already a JC1 student. i still wanna go back to pri sch. i miss those days when it was more sleep and play rather than homework. i still miss those days where everyone was innocent and there was no freaking thing called a clique. i wish that there were no weird people in my class and that i dont have to deal with weird china scholars.

sigh.

shall let off on my ramblings now. and start on my 1st draft for my pi. damn.

Juneau

2007-02-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

hahas havent been updating for awhile.
finally got back o results today.
i got 9
but everyone else seems to be doing well
so it seems kinda empty. wth.
nvm ill be contented if i can get into vj hahas.

Bend Your Arms To Look Like Wings

2007-01-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

finally a break. from freaky lectures.
rain's killing my mood to do anything.
tired.
bored.
can i get out of ac now.
i wanna go vj..
or hc if you want me to.
cause i love you darling.
sigh. was reading jiehao's blog. and made me realise how much i have missed my classmates.
though i didnt really get to know each and everyone of them well.
just miss the camaraderie that we shared.
and that passion for vs.
there's only one word to describe what im feeling now.

lost.

to my beloved og.
not that you people suck or anything. actually you guys rock.
i'd stay if i was not from vs. hahas.

This Year's Most Open Heartbreak

2007-01-11T15:43:00.000+08:00

havent blogged for a while. and this is my first post of the new year! yayy.
lol -.-
okay.
been posted to acjc where i have met ALOT of new people.(cause everyone there is like from the west. i live in the east o_O)
only thing wrong is that i have to do ac cheers. after 4 years of hating acsi.
maybe the red/black shirts can emphatise with that. maybe not.
but i still feel loyal to vs/vj.
so HOPEFULLY i can get into vj :D
whatever lahs. im not returning to acj anyway. hahas.
lectures only this week(12-19) before we split our og into classes. sigh. like got no one taking PCME in my og. T_T
nvm i shall meet even MORE people! not like i have a choice anyway. zz.
i sound so retartded =/
bleahs.
darling dont think that we'll drift okay. we wont. cause god put us together. and i love you.

A Boy Brushed Red.... Living In Black And White

2006-12-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

Some seek forgiveness, others escape
I heard a voice through the discord"
Of a deluge of passersby.
I saw one gaze frozen in time
Watching me passing by.

I swear I'll know your face in the crowd,
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering...

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger.
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another.

Here's my kiss to betray
Desperate to brush the lips of grace.
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied?

Oh sweet angel of mercy with your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me.
Oh sweet angel of mercy with your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me.

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger.
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another.

Hey unloving

I will love you

hey darling. i miss you so..

Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

2006-12-15T10:12:00.000+08:00

and so ends 2 and a half weeks of physical strain and mental torture. i have completed the 52nd clt course and now am a cadet lieutenant. won an award also. lol.
could have done much more thingies this holidays if i didnt go for the course. but looking back now. i cant. cos my com is screwed and most people are overseas anyway. bleahs.
now my back hurts, my neck is tense, throat sore.
plus she's going overseas for 5 days this coming sat.
can life get any worse?
o_O

Red Is The New Black

2006-11-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

THE O'S ARE OVER.
at least for those who dont take combined sciences and art.
lol.

shall not talk about STUDIES anymore for the following weeks.
did i hear the word nonexistent?
yup i did. (:

hehs.
have gone out for the past 4 days straight.
tired like hell but nvm.
casino royale rocked.

tmr's class gathering.
soccer then off to thai express.
which means im going to eat air o_O